Lara and Lisa's Million Pound Biggest Loser Challenge: Blog

Lara's Blog: I am finally back in the groove...

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 14:17:57 GMT

I feel like alot of stuff in my life is starting to finally come together. I re-joined my old gym and have been enjoying my water aerobic classes again. There is nothing like going to the pool after work and being able to get a work-out and tan at the same time. The instructors give you a wonderfully hard work-out that you def. feel when you leave. I am getting back in my routine of working out every day and it feels good. I just wish that it would give me some more energy. Usually my meds make me very sluggish throughout much of the day. Speaking of meds I think I am going to speak to my doctor about changing them-I am just having to many side effects from them. One of them is weight gain. When I first started the meds I gained 10lbs my first week. Now I am still trying to get the last couple pounds off so that I can be back where I was before. It's a long, slow, hard process. I used to be able to lose 2-3lbs a week and now I am lucky to loose a pound. I have made the decision that I won't go back to TOPS until I am back to the weight I was when I last went. I never had a gain the whole time I was there and I don't want to start now. On to the important news: 1). Lisa and I met for dinner last night FINALLY. It had only been like 4 months since we had seen each other. It was nice to reconnect as it had been so long. Hopefully we can do it again soon. She looks good (at least one of us is losing some weight) and I am truly happy for her current happiness (she deserves it). 2) I actually was able to concentrate long enough the past couple nights to read some of a book. It is still hard but I accomplished something. It has been close to a year since I have been able to read ANYTHING 3) Tom and I decided to go to a fertility clinic to discuss our options to get me preggo. With my problem (see prior blogs) it will be really hard to get preggo naturally. So now it's time to try something new. I finally got an appointment and I go next week. Cross your fingers for me-I want it sooooooo bad. Well that's it for me. Not much going on in my boring life at this point. Just wanted to check in w/ you guys and see how you are all doing in this wonderful journey to health......

Lara's Blog: It wasn't as bad as I thought...

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 16:15:54 GMT

Well despite all the crap that I ate on Sunday (see prior blog) I still lost weight @ my meeting last night. It was only .6 but hey it's something, right? So many people gained for whatever reason and I was really expecting to be one of them. I guess the couple work-outs that I had done over the week helped out with that. I went to my old gym this past Sunday and Monday and I was disappointed to see that Zumba is gone-the instructor is on maternity leave. They do have a Wed class but I can't make it as it is at 5:30pm. That was really the only thing about the gym that I really really liked. I can do cardio anywhere. But I am still paying on my membership so I have to try and go at least on Sundays when I don't have any classes anywhere else. I still take belly dance/exotic dance classes a couple days a week and I still love them. They give you such a workout and it's so much fun and sexy (way more fun that staying on a cardio machine). I think my problem is that I get bored easily. I change gyms usually every year-I just need the variety. I am also planning on taking some more water classes at another local gym-I can get a tan and a work-out at the same time. My Dr appointment yesterday was ok. She said that I had to go to a nerve dr to see if I have any nerve damage that is causing my left leg to go numb. She said that my reflexes in that leg were slow. Perhaps it is do to my medicine, who knows. I already have enough side effects to deal with i.e. weight gain, sluggishness etc. So now it's off for more tests. It never ends. One thing after another. Thank God that I finally got my insurance back. Anyway today is a good day so far. Happy TGIF! I need to catch up on some sleep, and CLEANING (yes Tom, I said it) this weekend. Hope all of you have a wonderful weekend.

Lisa's turn! Crazy times

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 23:01:16 GMT

So going to the gym has become difficult for me as well. I just want to do my thing and leave. Maybe say hi to 1 or 2 people I like! I go less and less and work out at home more and more. My food is good and I am still losing, so no complaints here. I am still with the awesome guy I started seeing a few weeks back. It gets better and better each time I see him. I work a lot still, but have learned to say no! Lara and I have finally been able to speak more often, but getting together is proving to be a challenge. Soon though. I have to make this short because I plan to catch up on some extra sleep tonight. Much needed!

Lara's Blog: I'm running on empty...

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 17:31:39 GMT

I have barely slept at all this whole week. It all started this past Sunday night when I went to the ZZtop concert. I had such a great time though I did make some bad decisions. It was my cheat day so enough said lol. Well actually I will mention it just to get it off my chest. I had chicken tenders, and fries (which luckily my best friend ate half of), then I had 1/2 a funnel cake AND cotton candy. I know-I did bad. The worst part is that the guys in front of us (who were smashed) turned around and gave us all their beverage tickets (of which I had several). Luckily I think I worked off all the crap I ate when I got tipsy and started dancing with the drunk guys in front of us. Now this is embarrasing-I had to stand through most of the concert because when I went to sit down on the lawnchair that my friend had brought-it BROKE. My fat ass broke the chair. Chris said that I got the weaker chair and it could have happened for him. But PLEASE-I'm the one who is FAT!!!!!!!!!!!! If only I could have kept my mouth shut! The only good thing about standing is that I remember how fun it was to actually be social. Get a little alcohol in me and I do just fine in public lol. Anyway when I went home that night around 11:30pm I couldn't sleep for the life of me. I didn't take my night-time meds because of the drinks I had but I wish I did. I ended up staying up all night. Well now it's Thursday and I have barely slept at all this week. I even fell asleep a few times driving to work this week. That was scary so I am going to my dr today to get some sleep meds and talk to her about everything-hopefully that will help. Besides the sleep problem, this week has been ok. I went back to MY old gym 2 times in the past week but somehow it just isn't the same. Not sure what happened but I am getting more and more uncomfortable there. Good thing I work out at several gyms. I went to my support group which always helps. I even saw some friends last Saturday that I haven't seen in a while. It was fun but there was one thing that bothered me. They told me that one of our mutual aquaitance's (someone that I hadn't seen in a really long time) had come over prior and told them about almost all of my blogs (that they hadn't yet read). Alot of my blogs are personal and I was upset that someone could mouth all of my experiences in gossip when I didn't give them permission to. This blog may be online but it is still MY business. How rude and hurtful people can be. I think that people sometimes forget that people have feelings. I am still trying to accept the bipolar diagnosis and it's hard enough without people talking about me like I am crazy. Luckily my friends just ignored her. Thank God someone has common-sense about my problems. Well that's it for now. I will check in with all of you later. Hope you are all doing well especially you Lisa (long time no see).

Lara's Blog: It happened AGAIN! (FAT email #2)

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 15:10:33 GMT

Well last night Tom said that he got another email from the guy that had originally called me FAT. Even though Tom deleted his website the guy set up another website and re-emailed Tom under a new name. This email is supposedly much worse then the old one so much so that Tom wouldn't even tell me what it said. He said it was just make me feel bad myself (as if I don't already). I just want to know why this guy insists on targeting me of all people. There are many people out there that are big like me-so why did he pick me? I am trying to brush it off-trying to not let his opinion mask my own-but that's not an easy thing to do when you have 0 self esteem. Things like this just make it even worse. On a positive note, I went back to WW again last night. Hopefully, that will give me the confidence that I was starting to have all over again. I want to be able to look in the mirror and honestly love myself and say "Lara, you look good today." I want to be able to get dressed in the morning without trying on 10 outfits and throwing them all on the floor in disgust. I want to be able to be romantic with Tom without feeling like he finds me unattractive. How do I do this? How do I just not give a shit?

Lara's Blog: Just another day...

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 20:29:20 GMT

Well it's coming down to the end of the week and this week has been very productive for me. I took 3 group exercise classes this week (body jam, body pump, and an exotic chair/floor dance class). I am sore but in a good way. I am glad that I actually got off the couch this week and worked out. Of course I got on the scale yesterday and haven't lost a pound this week. Nevertheless I am proud of myself and my attempts. I am slowly coming back around and refocusing. I must say that losing weight was much easier when I took prescription diet pills-now with my bipolar meds I can't take diet or cafeine pills at all. Evidently they will give me a false sense of mania that could make me relapse. For now I am doing ok. Somedays I forget to take my meds despite my efforts to put my pillbox next to my toothbrush. My memory is getting worse by the day. I forget what I did 5 seconds earlier-who I talked to, what I did. I even forget how to spell the most basic words. But I suppose being forgetful is better than being so depressed that you are suicidal. I have a support group meeting to go to tonite so that should cheer me up. I can really relate to everyone there so it usually refreshes me. Tom (my husband) told me last night that he doesn't think watching shows like "I lost it" and other weight related shows are good for me. He thinks that I tend to associate myself with all the other "grossly fat" women and I shouldn't. He just doesn't understand what it is like to be fat and to see yourself the way other people see you. It is motivating to me because I can relate to people treating you like crap because your fat. I watch the shows because I want to be the AFTER someday. I will be an AFTER if I put my mind and body into it. Until then it's just another day....

P.S. Sorry if I ramble in my blogs, my concentration is shot as well-I tend to change topics rather rapidly.

Lara's Blog: Just saying Thanks!

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 13:21:02 GMT

I want to thank everyone that sent me some encouragement yesterday-I really needed it. Last night I was feeling pretty bad about the fat girl comment, but part of that went away when I went shopping w/ my friend Shannon and I fit into a shirt (a 14/16!!!!!!!!!!!!) that I didn't even want to try on as I usually wear an 18/20. I was all prepared to be disappointed-well it fit me perfectly. A 14/16 is an average size for a girl in America so it made me feel a little better that I wasn't hugely abnormal in my weight. I still don't feel good in my skin-but I am at least accepting the reality of my weight. My husband always tells me that I am not fat like I see myself. I just wish that for once I could see myself the way he sees me and through my fat goggles. Perhaps time will help that. I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend....

Lara's Blog: People can be so MEAN!!!!!!!!!!!

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 17:48:13 GMT

Last night something happened that was really upsetting to me. Someone had emailed my husband through his myspace page and left him a comment about me. It said "how hard is it to date a fat girl?" What the hell? How can someone possibly be that mean. My husband blocked him of course but not before sending him an email sticking up for me. Though it was nice that he did that, it was still upsetting. It is just a giant blow to your self-esteem when someone can so bluntly say that to you. I was finally getting a little self-esteem and feeling ok in my own skin and now this.... I am trying to laugh it off, and not think about it-but it still hurts that people view me in that way. It makes me feel that despite all my progress- I am still and will probably always be FAT. I know that I am doing things right-but somehow that's not any consolation. They might have well have said that I have a nice face or personality or something-anything that was less hurtful then be called fat. I just can't understand why someone would ask that right out of the blue to someone that they don't even know. It just makes the way that I think about myself even more distorted. This is not the only thing that has been bothering me lately. I feel like I am so displaced from my friends. Many of them I just can't seem to touch base with let alone make plans to see each other. It just makes me feel like I have lost most of the friends that I thought I had. I just want my old life back-the way it used to be BEFORE the hospital & before my diagnosis. I want to be included again & feel like I mean something to someone. Right now, I just feel like I am floating in my own little world cut off from everyone that I used to see. How do I change things?????????? I have no clue.........

Lisa's Blog- weight

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 23:55:52 GMT

So I get on the scale toda expecting a gain, I haven't been to the gym in a week. No no it looks like all the new things I have been doing are really paying off! For the month of May I am down 10 pounds! I was so shocked to see that. I called my mom so I could scream it in her ear! So new things work too! I am headed back to the gym tomorrow. I have to work out on real machines there! I don't have weights yet so I will be needing a great weight workout!

Lisa's Blog - What I've lost and what I've gained

Fri, 30 May 2008 11:55:31 GMT

So we all know what an adventure this journey has been, with all the highs and lows loss and gains. Well I have lost weight, and I've lost some of the fear holding me back. I have gained respect for myself and understanding that I'm not perfect. Also my imperfection isn't the weight. So getting over hiding myself from everyone and just not being the me I want to be................................I went on a date! The first in like 3 years. It was so nice and I felt amazing. I feel like it is another step on this journey. We have gone out one other time and plan to see more of each other. I know it's corny but I am not sure it would have happened with out the weight loss. Everything has been falling into place recently and I just want to stay on this track for a little while! I hope everyone is doing great! Lara I heard you had a training session! Can't wait to hear about it!

Lisa's Blog - The best thing ever!

Tue, 27 May 2008 00:28:14 GMT

So my Mom and Dad are big into Yard sales right, On saturday they come home and the truck is filled with all the things, treasures, they have found. Well I must have been on their mind all day. See with having two jobs now, getting to the gym is getting hard and when I'm there I am so tired that I don't give 100% like I should. So they bought me a gym. Full gym! I have an awesome elptical and a recumbent bike, I have a tread mill, gazzelle, ab lounge, steps and balls. A few weights too. All I need is a better set of weights and I'm all set! Anyone want a membership to Lisa's total fitness?! This rocks! I have already been using them. And instead of going in the basement we are converting half of our huge living room into the gym so as to encourage a full family work out!!!! I love it so much! Hope everyone is doing well!

Lisa's Blog - Miss me?

Wed, 21 May 2008 20:17:40 GMT

Sorry it's been a while since I have blogged. I have been so busy. I picked up a second job, just to help my brother out. I am still at the gym as often as possible. My weight loss is still good, I'm losing. I have missed T.O.P.S. two weeks running because I fell asleep and didn't wake up in time to go! My food, not so good. I haven't been eating enough. I know this and my trainer knows this. He suggested that I talk to my doctor about it, make sure nothing from the past is coming back. I don't think it's linked to bulimia but I don't know for sure. Sub-consciencely is this why? So I just wanted to drop a quick blog to let everyone know that I'm still good!

Lara's Blog: Finally, today was a good day...

Fri, 16 May 2008 01:55:48 GMT

I woke up this morning and I was very groggy and feeling like it was gonna be a bad day. I had woken up in the middle of the night in a coughing fit and ended choking to the point that I threw up. I ended up throwing up most of the way through the night-it must have been something I ate. Needless to say I was very tired this morning. The drive to work was good-amazing I didn't hit any traffic today coming ot going. I am doing good at my new job. My boss seems to be a very good teacher because in the span of a few days I have learned so much. I am actually quoting some commercial insurance with his help. I have always been intimidated by large accounts and now I am finally doing it. I think it is because he does have so much faith in me. He said he considers me to be his partner in the business. That really made my day-to know that he appreciates me. I think over time it may just get easier for me to get over my guy problems and face them head on. I still haven't told him about the bipolar yet-I am not sure that I want to. I am scared that I will scare him away if he knows about it. I am also scared that I will get screwed over like my last job. Though I miss it there sometimes, I feel like emotionally I am in a better environment. I had a support group meeting yesterday and today so right now I am feeling psyched-like I can do just about anything. I am taking my meds-and for the time being, I feel on track in my life. I came home to my first and only unemployment check (from the week that I wasn't working) and also a letter from Towson University that said that they were agreeing w/ my financial appeal and are dropping my balance this semester to $0 due to the misunderstanding. So now I don't have to pay the $915.00 that I would of had to put on my credit card. I was even able to spend a little alone time with my husband tonight-it really has been a long time. I am excited to celebrate my 1 year wedding aniversary this weekend. I just wish that we could go somewhere relaxing-but maybe next year. So all in all, today has been a pretty good day-hopefully I can calm down, and try to control my racing thoughts a little so that I can fall asleep. Thanks for listening to my rambling-it feels good to know that you guys are out there in cyberspace. Lisa, I hope we can get together soon-we are so overdue...

Lara's Blog: Just an update...

Tue, 13 May 2008 00:44:45 GMT

Well it has been a week since my horrible experience w/ my old boss and still I don't have my things. It s so petty that he won't mail or let me pick up my things. You would think they would act like adults, but obviously not. I am so tempted to go by the state police barracks (across the street from my old job) and have them go get my stuff. I really don't want to have to do that as I feel like it is just wasting their time. After all most of my belongings that are missing are knick knacks. The only thing that I truly want back is my licensing book as I frequently utilize that if I need to look something up. Hopefully I won't have to resort to that measure. My new job is going well. I am still really nervous (you know, the whole guy thing) but I guess I will have to eventually get over it. It is just him and me so if I want something I guess I will be forced to open my mouth and ask him. He seems nice enough. I am excited about my office. I have NEVER had my own office space. I have always been the one in the reception area taking the money. When I used to sell policies people would actually have to stand at the front desk to sign the paperwork. Now I actually have a BIG office area w/ 2 chairs in front of my desk. Instead of my old desk w/ pictures taped to the wall, I actually went shopping over the weekend for some framed artwork. It was a wondeful feeling-somehow it makes me feel wanted. I have dual computer moniters (like the big-shots) and even my own copy/fax machine. It feels so good to move up in the world and be appreciated. My boss even had me stand in, in a couple of his meetings just to give my opinion on the issue. It makes me feel like so much more than a secretary. Actually he even made the comment that one day we will actually have a secretary sitting at the front desk. That made me happy because I know that my office is ALL mine. Perhaps the incident at my old job was a blessing in disguise. Looking back I have been unhappy there for a long time I just never had the voice to speak up. Even if I did, I don't think anything would have ever changed. Now I am the one in charge of my destiny. Even my commission % is up for debate-I just have to be able to discuss it. Therapy is doing well. I see my social worker once a week & I usually attend bipolar support groups a few times a week. My moods are getting better and I hope w/ time I will be able to control them completely. My meds have gotten increased again so it comes at a good time. Right now I am working part-time until I decide to work full-time. My boss has pretty much left my schedule to me & the honor system. I feel confident that next week I will be ok to start going full-time. Sorry for my rambling-my mind has a tendancy to wander a million miles a minute. Even my husband has problems keeping up with me sometimes. I hope all is well w/ you guys. Sorry I haven't been around to comment lately-everything has just been so crazy. Talk to you soon......

Lisa's Blog

Sun, 11 May 2008 02:43:22 GMT

So I realized while talking to Lara that the main reason I am stressing so much over the weight loss is because I have had a lot of change in my life and I am so very busy lately. It's not even about saying no either. It's about me not planning my life out better! I just want so much out of life and I try to pack it into 20 hours while only sleeping a few. I love my life and I wouldn't change much, I just need to remember that along with learning glass fusing, and cake decorating and working out and spending time with my friends, I also need to spend time with me. I need down time, it's just as important as workout time. I actually skipped T.O.P.S. so I could get to bed a few hours early. At first I felt guilty but the benifits I got from that extra sleep were amazing! Seeing as it is almost 11 P.M. and I have to be at work by 6:30 in the morning, I am going to head to bed. Thanks everyone for the pep talks! Thanks for hearing me out Lara!

Lisa's Blog - Maybe it's just me

Thu, 08 May 2008 21:25:21 GMT

Ok so here it is, all layed out, and mind you this is just to make myslf feel better, I just want to say that this IS a diet, not a lifestyle chage, and it sucks. I constanly have to think and plan and thats not a lifestyle. I think, what am I going to eat, when, where to exercise, how long, what type. And then something comes up and I am not suited to handle a swap in my schedule, freak out becaue I have to eat at a resturant and I don't know what to eat, oh wait, get a salad, no thats the worse thing on the menu to get. I have stopped eating at fast food because we know all their "healthy food" isn't. Even though I worked out double on monday and have done things to be active on tuesday and wednesday I gain weight anyway and why? Because I ate out. No other reason, so then I start my freaking out again and I don't know why I'm not thin, I worry things to death. I am nervous constanly and food scares me to death. I am at the point where if I could live off water I would. So far the water I drink hasn't given me any anxiety! I hate this. I am never going to feel like it's ok, like food isn't my enemy. I haven't found that happy place where food and I skip off into the sunset holding hands. I just need a fresh start. Start this over with a new outlook and knowledge and plans, need to have better eating facts handy and I need to stop feeling like if I look at food I'm going to lose this war. I had hoped this winter I would start feeling like i had accomplished something. Right now I don't have the accomplished feeling yet. People say ishould but that doesn't help! I know the point that I will feel proud. It's in the horizon and I can see it, just today and the last couple weeks I have felt like it's further off than I had thought.

Lara's Blog: I have NEVER been treated so badly in my life...

Mon, 05 May 2008 19:47:27 GMT

Today has been the most horrible day in a long time. I am starting my new job on Wed and I went by my old office (with a friend) to pick up my stuff. That was a mistake. I walked in and gave my old boss the key and then started walking to my office. He blocked the door and said I couldn't come inside. He looked and me and said rather meanly, "Your stuff is up front, you can't come in here." I said that I wanted to make sure that he packed everything as I had stuff all over the place. I specifically mentioned my insurance license. That was one thing that of course he forgot. He gave it to me and my friend and I went outside to look through the box ( a wet box too-all my pics were soggy) and make sure stuff was there. I had made a list of the stuff that I remembered was in my office ahead of time so I was checking it off as I went through the box. Half the stuff was missing. I checkmarked the stuff that was missing and my friend took it and went inside to collect it. My former boss yelled at her and said she had no business being there and told her he would MAIL my stuff back to me. She came out and said that he was screaming at her. That's it. I took the list and walked into him and said that I need my stuff and he was legally supposed to give it to me. He looked at me and said that I would get my stuff when he felt like mailing it and told me I was tresspassing and to leave before he called the cops. After 2 1/2 years of working my ass of for this man, he treats me like that. I didn't deserve to be fired. I have NEVER done anything to hurt him or his business. If anything I have put up with so much shit it's ridiculous. I almost went to the cops myself, and asked them to escort me back to the office so that I can get my stuff. But of course I wussed out. But I swear to God, if I don't get my stuff back next week, I will go the cops myself. I expected that it was going to be hard to go back into that office, but I never expected to be treated like such shit. The only thing I can say about this is I hope Karma is a bitch in this case.....

Lara's Blog: It has been a really tough week:

Sun, 04 May 2008 00:23:40 GMT

I have only been back to work now for 2 weeks as a part-time employee. Supposedly everyone at work tried to help me while I was gone but it didn't seem like much actually got accomplished. I came back to a desk filled with work that I had been working on at the beginning of last month. I tried to organize everything in piles and put things on a to do list but it just wasn't helping. Every-time I turned around there was more and more work to do. Maybe I should have tried to ask for help, but I am sure it would have made much of a difference. I had piles and piles of fiing, commercial policies stacked mile high, and cancellation notices to tend to. Then there was the phone and millions of insurance certificates. I spent 20 minutes on one customers certificate last Thursday because it was so complex and required all these additional forms to be filled out. It usually only takes a minute or so for a general certificate. At that rate, it would have taken me a month to get caught up assuming that I don't get any more work. My husband came in on Thursday and asked how I was doing. I wasn't doing good. I was ready to cry as I was so overwhelmed and having a hard time getting anything done. I told him how I felt, I was feeling like I could never dig myself out of the hole that I called my desk. But I of course didn't say anything to my co-workers. I wasn't about to complain to THEM. I don't think that they would have understood as they always had a "if it can wait till tomorrow, it will attitude". Now I am guessing that someone heard my conversation w/ my husband and went to my boss. Later that night, I got a call from my boss telling me I was fired. He said that they felt that they had gone above and beyond by dealing with my work while I was at the hospital (that is such bull-if that was the case I never would have gotten emails and calls once I got back from customers telling me never to leave as no-one knew how to do my work.) and since I have been back I have already gotten upset at my work-load. What did they expect-that it would be an easy tranisition? I was trying to get MY work done, and they kept piling more and more of THEIR work on my desk. I couldn't say anything. After 2 1/2 years of working my ass off for that place, they fire me over the phone and tell me to MAIL back my office key. The most f*ck*ed up thing about this is that I wanted to leave 6 months ago for another job and they gave me a raise to stay. I have never gotten a bad performance review or even a warning about anything. I think that I would have deserved at least that much. This all just came out of the blue AFTER my "medical "leave of absense. Obviously I wasnt worth anything to them. If only they knew how many of their customers called me the day that I came back and truly appreciated what I do for them. But I am sure it wouldn't matter to them. I was always the person that would do their work on top of mine and never say anything. Looking back I felt unappreciated. They don't understand how hard it was for me to come back after being at the hospital for a month. I tried my hardest to adjust and I got screwed. I wasn't even supposed to get discharged yet-I came back for them. I put up with everyone's moods, yelling at each-other, and much much more. And they couldn't give me any slack. It's incredibly upsetting to know that I spent so long working as hard as I did only to get treated like I am worthless. He didn't even have the courtesy to tell me in person. And the sad part is even after I got fired, I was still thinking about all the work that was on my desk and how it wouldn't get done for my customers. I care too much-that's my problem. I shouldn't give a shiit-but I did. I don't understand this though. Last Friday my vice-president called me and was talking to me about me advancing in the agency and becoming office manager some day. She was apologizing for everyone yelling at each other for the past week saying that it wasn't the greatest environment to come back too. She said that some time the following week we could get together with the boss and discuss my concerns and how we can fix them. I started writing down exactly what I was going to say. And I never got a chance. Now less than a week later I get fired. I guess it doesn't matter because I already found another job working for another ERIE agent. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise. He knows about my hospital stay and was quite supportive. For once I am going to be more than the company "go-to" girl. I will not let this get me down. I just started getting in an exercise routine this past week. This is only the beginning for me now. The tough part is that I have to go in my old office next week and get my stuff, and I am scared shitless. I don't want to see them or even remember them. I don't think I ever been hurt this bad by an employer in my life and I have had some bad jobs in the past. So as you can see it's been a really tough week for me. Thanks to Lisa, Shannon, Tom and everyone from my support group-you guys are the ones that are getting me through this. I truly appreciate it.

Lisa's Blog - Why?

Sun, 27 Apr 2008 22:41:47 GMT

Why do I do so well during the week, but I ruin my diet on the weekends? Not by eating bad things so much as eating at the wrong times, skipping meal and not working out. So now I am sitting here looking at a gain, and thinking why? But I know why. I lose my focus and I need something to boost me into trying harder on the weekends. Any ideas? Even hanging my dream outfit in my room to cheer me on isn't helping lately. I guess it's just a slump.

Lara's Blog: I am slowly coming back...

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 21:30:49 GMT

Just wanted to write and say hi to everyone. It has been almost a month since I have blogged at all & I wanted to catch everyone up. I was discharged from the day hospital this past Tuesday & I am back to work part-time for the time being. I really can't handle more than 4 hours a day as I am still pretty crazy in my moods & anxious. I was put on several medications to stabalize my moods & handle my depression. It is kind of too soon to tell if it is really working. They said that they will have to increase my meds every week to get them to the dose that they need to be. It's a long slow process. Monday was my first day back to work & I only worked 1-5pm but by the end of the day I was so anxious & depressed that I ended up going home and drinking 4 beers & 2 shots & taking all of my night-time meds on top of it. I didn't react in a healthy way, I know that. But at the time, it was all I could do. They finally decided to discharge me on Tuesday but they were really relluctant to do so. I was too. I didn't really have much of a choice. I couldn't afford to stay any longer. Plus, my insurance wanted to switch me to half days which would have cost me $80/day for 3 hours. I don't think I am that much better. It comes and goes. I had the stability I needed in the hospital & I was surrounded by people that really understood. Some mornings it is still so hard to get the motiavation to get out of bed. I haven't been to T.O.P.S in several weeks because the meds I am on have caused me to gain weight. I don't have it in me to weigh in & have to announce a gain. I know everyone would be supportive but I just can't face everyone. My food is not that different & it is so horrible to see me backtrack. I haven't even been to my gym this month. I am afraid to see everyone-afraid I failed & didn't match up to their expectations. I try to exercize on my own but sometimes I just don't have it in me. Nothing has been coming easy lately. I have to really force myself not to isolate at home. The only positive is that I started going to several support groups recently. I go to DBSA (depression/bipolar support alliance) & NAMI (national association of mental illness). Everyone has been so supportive. One woman even said that if I ever felt scared to be by myself i.e. suicidal that I can stay in her spare room . That is so amazing to hear from someone who just met you. I feel like I have a much bigger support network that I ever had before in my life. In addition I am seeing a therapist once a week & a psychiatrist. Hopefully once my meds get to where they should be, I will be back in the full swing of things. I really want to be myself again. I feel like the old Lara is trying so hard to climb out, I just hope she can make it....

Lisa's Blog

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 02:29:32 GMT

Hello all! I have been plugging away at the weightloss. I follow my trainers advice and work til I'm a pile of sweat, and I lost 3/4 of a pound. I am not excited, but I'm happy. During my meeting tonight I did my presentation. I was nervous and comfortable all at the same time. When I was done everyone clapped and laughed and said they loved it and I should do the presenting every week, so I was all red and embarrassed. It was cute. Now I am off to bed, ready to dream about being a skinny mini! Have a great week!

Lisa's Blog - Proud!

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 22:33:11 GMT

So I am hands down the best procrastinator! I am the best! I have figured out ways to get things done at the last nano-second, but get it done, and not be late! So that being said..........I asked for ideas for my T.O.P.S. presentation a week or so ago. I am EXTREMLY proud to tell you all that I pulled a little from everyones ideas and sat down at my computer and FINISHED the presentation over a week early! That amazes me. I would have been stressed and so nervous and probably wouldn't have felt like I did my best. I feel like this is a usefull info, entertaining, and have enough info to last my whole time. See I get nervous and talk too fast so I needed one of two things, a lot of info I could speed through but still take up the whole time, or enough info that I could be confident in my speech and take my time. I have both! So I wanted to say thank you to everyone who contributed and GO ME!

Oh and also I went to T.O.P.S. last night and I WON THE TROPHY AGAIN!!!!!!!! I am down 3.75 pounds.

Lisa's Blog - So much better

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 01:52:37 GMT

So I am better now. I did not go to work or gym monday. I stayed home. I did resume gym and work activities yesterday. Today was trainer day. So because I did weights yesterday, no weights today. We went outside and did walks, jogs, and other things to make the fat jiggle off of me! However on the last lap we came around the corner to find a man peeing in the road! So we finished up by hurring back to the gym! I lost the stubborn 4 pounds. I guess mybody knew I was serious about running! OOOOOOOOOO speaking of running......................I decided that next year I will be running in the 5k breast cancer run. I told my trainer my plan. He told me no. I'm like what? No? I don't think he can say no! He told me he is jogging this year with some ladies, and I would be joining him. Holy crap! I'm in the race THIS YEAR! I start training in July. Woo Hoo!

On to last nights show.............is it just me or did they not really touch on the million pound match-up? Hmmmm can't imagine why, Can you Carla?

Lisa's Blog- Lost motivation, today!

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 11:55:23 GMT

So I can't breathe and my nose is runny and I have a horrible cough. All I want to do is crawl back into my still warm bed and put the covers over my head and fall back into a blissfull sleep! But no. I will be off to shower, gym and work, followed by another trip to the gym tonight. I can't be sick. I never get lay in bed and be sick time. I get go go go with some sick on the side. Usually this means I am sick for longer because I can't take the good medicine to get it out of me. I have to band-aid the pain and agony with a little tylonal. Well this is all the time I have, off to be busy/sick. Have a great day everyone!

Lisa's Blog - tough to choose!!

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 02:20:01 GMT

I typed in "fad diets" and you should see the results! The very first one was so cute! It had a list on cheaters tips! Not diet tips! So I am posting them to see if any of you find them useful!

CHEATERS TIPS:1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.

4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6.Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

7.Cookie pieces contain no fat-- the process of breaking causes fat leakage.

8.Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.

9.Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

10.Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and Popsicles.

11. Foods eaten while watching a major event on television do not count. Major events include: Superbowl, Hockey Finals, Indy 500, Jerry Springer show.

12. Powerbars and other type energy bars make you thinner. In all my years of exercising (at least three times a year) I have only seen thin people eating energy bars. Ergo (therefore) they must make you thin.

13. Snickers is the same as an energy bar (see #12)

14. Tasting other people's food does not add to your calorie count.

15. Containers of food that list the number of servings as greater one are lying. Every container includes one serving. Half gallon of ice cream, box of cereal, bottle of soda, bag of chips are all one serving.

So the site is called www.faddiets.com use it for your amusement! I plan to incorporate this list into my presentation. I know the ladies and Rich will love it!

Also today I cooked and packaged my food and snacks for the week. It is so cool. I used small tote boxes and filled them with Breakfast, Lunch and two snacks. All I will have to do is grab the box and my new water bottle and off I go. It is just these 4 pounds that will not budge. A little wall. I lose a pound think I'm on my way to losing the 4, then BAM I gain the pound back! So I will force these 4 pounds to leave my body. They have two weeks to pack up and leave before I take drastic action! (Running, not anything crazy people! I LOATHE running! Plus I suck at running, but I'll do it to you body, I will!) Hope everyone has a great week!! Not that you won't hear from me! I just want you to have a good week!

Lara's Blog: One Day At A Time....

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 21:42:03 GMT

Wow! It appears that I have missed alot of what is going on with regards to this contest. If someone could fill me in on it I would appreciate it. I am completely clueless at this point as to what all the drama is about. All I know is that all the websites that were featured as winners were awesome and I am proud to know all of them. If something happened that wasn't supposed to happen I guess the people that were involved have to live with it. This contest has brought everyone closer together and formed a fabulous support network. I just wish that there wasn't so much hurt and bitterness over the final outcome. I too wanted us to win, but the fact remains that we didn't and that's ok. There were so many equally deserving people and I know it must have been hard to judge everyone. But in the end, it's all over & we are still there supporting eachother-that's what really matters. Everything else is simply meaningless. On to a new subject-I have been @ the day hospital for a week now and still my moods haven't stabalized. I am trying my hardest to pay attention at the counseling meetings and I am taking all of my meds. I am getting frustrated and even angrier. I am not sure who I am truly angry at. All I know is that I drove home one day last week and I was singing one second and crying the next so hard that I could barely see in front of me. The speed limit was 20MPH and I ended up to doing close to 75mph on a winding road. That is such a scary feeling-to be that depressed that you don't care if you hit a tree or something. Looking back, I should have cared, I could have hit someone. My food really hasn't changed that much but I haven't had the energy to work out to the extent that I usually do. It's hard for me to get out of bed sometimes let alone exercise. I am part of a walking group at the hospital. After we finish eating a small group of us get together and take a 15 minute walk around the campus. Usually we just walk & try and make each other feel better. I wanted to go to my T.O.P.S group meeting on Thursday but I was feeling so bad , I didn't want to be around anyone. Going to that group has always cheered me up in the past, now I am not sure what I really enjoy doing. It takes me forever to get out of bed and take a shower in the morning-it's so easy and yet so hard. And getting dressed is torture-EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE SHIT ON ME. I just feel gross. I feel fat. I feel yukky. I want so bad to wake up and be out of this mess that I feel. I want to be me again but I am not sure who that person is anymore. Hopefully I will start to figure that out...

Lisa needs some ideas!!!!

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 00:43:47 GMT

So yeah, I have to run the program in 2 weeks for T.O.P.S. (Taking off pounds sensibly, where we support and discuss all things weight loss!) I don't know what to talk about! I need to have enough knowledge, or have done enough research to wing it, to last about 20 - 30 minutes, with hand outs! So if any has ideas please feel free to share them. I am thinking about making fun of fad diets. I don't know. Geez. Geez. Geez. I thought I had more time! I just came from me T.O.P.S. meeting, where Lara was noticably absent, and I got weighed, and I just knew I gained weight. I knew it, come on I have ate out so much. Oh no not the case at all. I lost! Talk about super happy! Whew now that the stress is over, on to a new week. Lose lose lose lose thats my week chant!

Keep being fabulous all!

Lisa

Lisa's Blog- The crazy things I get myself into

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 02:55:50 GMT

So the girls from work love my new hair cut. So much so that tonight we had a hair cutting party. Yeah none of us cut hair! How funny the little things in life make such an impact on others! I started the weight loss, other friends joined me! I cut my hair, they love it and cut theirs too! It kind of makes me giggle!

Also, I go and see my trainer tonight. I freaked out earlier because I thought our appointment was for 630, but no thank goodness it was at 530. I was telling hom about my cake decorating classes! Wrong move right?! Well to state for him and everyone, I use a disgusting icing of 10x and tons of crisco, and a marble cutting board! No over eating is happening there! I promise. I can't keep that promise week 6 though. Thats when we bring in a real cake and real icing and go to town!

I would like to take a moment to say, even though we are not on here everyday like before, I love that so many of us are still on here, visiting and commenting like the competition was never over. It never will be over for me. I have had a couple of weeks where I ate a couple bads things and have gained back a weeks worth of weight loss over it. This is a NEVERENDING battle for me. I need to stay on here, stay focused, even if I am the last (wo)man standing. I struggle with will power more than I thought was ever possible. It's such a big fight, I feel like fighting temptation should be a workout in itself!!

Hope everyone is doing great, and thanks for staying in the community!!!

Oh and here's the hair cut, took off over 10inches, yeah I cried, but it was worth it. I love the newer Lisa!!!

Lara's Blog: Kind Of Disappointed...

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 02:14:14 GMT

I took a big step this past Saturday and asked everyone for help while explaining my current situation. That was really hard for me to do and I was kind of hoping for some supportive words. I got a comment from my cousin, from Lisa, and from one other person. I dont mean to sound ungrateful but I was really hoping for some reassuring words from the people that I normally take the time to respond to. I used to spend so long commenting on people's blogs, and cheering & supporting them through stuff. I am just upset that it didn't happen in my case. When I wrote about wearing a dress for the first time @ work I got 5-6 comments & a few emails. Don't get me wrong I don't write my blogs purely for comments, but this time I really needed to hear it. It made me feel even more depressed and alone. . .

Lisa's Blog- Oh My God!

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 23:58:12 GMT

I went to the gym today, early, because I didn't have to work til 11. I did my whole workout routine, and left with enough time to spare to surprise my Mom at work. She was shocked! I spent a few minutes with her then headed to work. It was Mag day, so I lifted heavy totes overflowing with magazines when it happened, I hurt my back. Not from the mags, but more likely from gym then heavy mag totes! So I am so worried. I have to workout tomorrow because I have a training session on wednesday! Geez why? Why today! Oh well. My plan is to put heat on the pain and stretch before I work out, if it hurts I will stop, if it's better than today, I will work my butt off! But as of right now, ouch! Ouch Ouch Ouch. (Did I ever mention that I am also a wimp, chances are this is nothing but to me it's like someone just ran over me with a large truck!) So I will now take my sore back to a warm bed and prey for a healthy back when I wake up. Hope everyone is fabulous and skinny!

Lisa's Blog - at a stand still

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 02:04:03 GMT

Today after work my boss, 4 co-workers and I went out. We had so much fun! Just a girls afternoon out. Who doesn't need that now and again right?! We went to the mall, got our nails done and then went out to Cold stone creamery and they all got big ol ice creams and I got a small sorbet! We went to Macy's too. They have some amazing purses!!!! (weakness )

So I plan to step up and change some work out and food stuff. I haven't lost any weight in 2 weeks. Staying within .8 of a pound. Changing up some stuff makes me hopeful for the next week. Last weekend at the TOPS convention I had a lot of fun. It is a great boost for my weight loss! (I hope!) Since I have hit this slump in loss, I hope to take all the inspiration I got and turn it into a big loss this week! Also this weekend was the first in quite a few weeks that I have put on my casual clothes. I learned that NONE OF MY JEANS FIT ANYMORE!!! I have so far to go in my weight loss that I have decided to buy dresses. They will better shrink with me. I can't stand when the pants fall constantly!!! I also don't want to go any buy new clothes every couple of weeks! So I hope the weekend treated you all well! Good luck this week!

Lara's Blog: One step forward, Two gigantic steps back...

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 17:05:15 GMT

I really need your help right now. This is hard for me to ask, because I am not a person that asks for help. This blog has nothing to do with my weight loss over the past few weeks. In fact, that is probably the ONLY thing good I have going for me right now. I have lost close to 10lbs this past month. Some of you have probably noticed that I haven't been online at all this week, but there is a good reason for that. This past Sunday evening I had a breakdown of sorts. I found myself in my bathroom in tears surrounded by a bottle of sleeping pills and trying my hardest to convince myself to walk away. In the end I only took a couple and walked away. I still couldn't get the thought out of my mind that whole night or the fear of knowing just how far I had almost gone. It sounds crazy but the only thing the kept me from swallowing that bottle of pills was my cat (who was rubbing up against me at the time) & the thought of how my husband would feel by waking up to my cold body. I sincerely hope that in the future those thoughts are enough to keep me away from any attempts. Needless to say I didn't get any sleep at all that night. I pretty much sat up and cried. I haven't cried that much in a long time. I usually have the feeling in the back of my eyes that I need to cry, it just won't come. I went to work as usual that Monday morning but I couldn't concentrate. Everything was setting me off. I felt like locking myself in the bathroom and crying. My friend Shannon took me out for lunch that day to calm me down & try and refocus for the rest of the day. She has been friends with me long enough to know when I am in a mood that I can't get out of. I told her everything that happened and she suggested that I talk to my boss and let him know what is going on with me. She told me that she has noticed my moods changing rapidly, and felt as I couldn't handle them anymore. Little did she know how right she truly was. I went back to work and talked to everyone there (and of course started crying-making me look even more like the office psycho) and they suggested that I leave @ go to GBMC a local hospital to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. My husband (miraclously home from work early) took me and waited with me for a few hours until he had to go home and get some sleep. I had lab tests done & then I was admitted for the night into the psych unit. My friend Chris came & spent the night with me & stayed up until I was released the following day. I don't think he understands how much it meant to me for staying with me that night. Being in that hopsital was scary. They took your clothes, made you eat only with a spoon, patted you down, and you couldn't even shut the door while going to the bathroom. The whole process depressed me even more. The day I was released I met with a psychatrist there who evaluated me & said that I was in a manic depressive state & need help. He recommended that I go to a local day hospital where I could receive treatment by a team of doctors. A few hours later I was enrolled and ready to start. The program lasts approx 15 days and runs Mon-Fri from 9-3pm. It is very structured and when I am not meeting with my psychiatrist, social worker, or nurse, I am attending group counseling meetings. They are going to put me on some medicine to stabalize my mood swings and then work on finding me a good depression & anxiety medicine. After the fifteen days are up they will reevaluate me to see if I can go back to work or if I need additional time in the program. Though I am grateful for the help they are giving me, I really hope I don't have to stay past the 15 days because I will need to get back to work. I just found out that I don't have any more vacation/sick time left after this coming Monday so I will be going these next 2 weeks without pay. That is hard right now because I need to get better so that I can function at work, and yet I also need to get back to work as soon as possible so that I can earn money to pay my bills. If I leave the program early, my insurance may not pay for my treatment so it's important that I stay and continue the treatment. This whole incident has just scared me & really made me think about everything. I have suffered from depression for years but have been able to manage it for the most part. Now my moods are so out of wack that I could be talking to you one minute and screaming/crying another minute. It was time to get the help, now I just have to give it time to work. My doctor did let me go to the T.O.P.S conference in OC on Friday as it was already paid for, and she thought it would be encouring & inspiring for me to be there. At times is was, and at times I just wanted to disappear. I tried to make myself happy and smiley for Lisa but by last night, I couldn't pretend any more. I was just emotionally drained. Today on the ride home we barely spoke the whole way back. I really couldn't because I was afraid of letting my tears go if I did. I think it was probably too soon for me to take a weekend trip. I couldn't focus or sit still the whole time. I just wanted to be at home in my bed. Well now that I blurted out the whole story of my life, I am going to get back downstairs and take a nap. I won't be blogging quite as often in the next few weeks but I will try and come on here every now and then to say hi to everyone. It's going to be hard for me to manage treatment, exercise, and still watching my food intake (last week screwed my exercise routine all up) but I am still going to try and make it with all of your support.......

Lisa's Blog - Getting ready for the T.O.P.S. Trip

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 02:09:04 GMT

So it's a little before 10 p.m. and here I am still not packed for a trip I am leaving on, tomorrow! As a matter of fact, my clothes are in the washer! Geez, I'm such a procrastinator. But I am excited and nervous for tomorrow. I am heading out alone, being joined by Lara later friday. I am nervous because I don't normally travel alone. I am excited because it's our first big T.O.P.S. adventure. I hope it's alot of fun, and I hope I have a safe trip! Wow I can't decide if I should sleep, or if I should pack. Since I've held out this long, I might as well wait til morning now to pack right! Oh and one of my outfits just happens to be a skirt that I bought a week ago, smaller than my "normal" size. I thought I'd be a few weeks getting into it, but no, I tried it on this morning and it fits, snug, but fits. It's a mini skirt! I haven't had a mini skirt since 9th grade! (Yeah, like 13 years!) Whoop Whoop! So the next time I write I will be back home from the glorious Ocean! Have a great weekend everyone!

Lisa's Blog - Day with trainer!

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 23:47:39 GMT

Well kudos to all of you who have been working with the trainers! I worked with mine one day and I am in horrible pain. Felt like I was going to cry all day yesterday. Hurt my thighs to stand up and hurt my butt to sit down! Wow. Haven't felt that much pain since the first time I took ultra press! So yeah, work and pain, thats been my last two days. At least I don't have to see him again til next wednesday! I have time to build up endurance for the next round of torture I'm sure he'll put me through! So again kudos to all you buff folks and the buff folks who do that to themselves with out the aid of a torture master! (Thanks though Jesse!) Well I'm off to take more motrin!

Lara's Blog: I'm so frustrated...

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 02:47:16 GMT

I am so frustrated right now but I am NOT going to eat over it. My husband, Tom, has been working non-stop for weeks now. We just got married this May & it seems like since then we spend even less time together then before. He gets up between 4-5:30am every morning & comes home whenever the work is done. Only it's never done. When he is home, I can't even have a 5 minute conversation w/ him without his phone ringing & him jumping up to answer it. We haven't had a meal yet, that hasn't gotten cold while he is on conference calls. We can't watch TV because he is always pausing it to go upstairs and handle a situation. Then once he is involved in something, he gets so stressed out that he is no good for the rest of the night. All he does from that point on is yell & scream and get all worked up over the newest business problem. He worked all week this week & then left @ 5am this morning "FOR A LITTLE WHILE," only he got home at 7:45pm. That gave us enough time to eat dinner & watch a few minutes of TV before he went to bed. I was ok earlier today because I knew that we could stay up later & sleep in tomorrow & have all day to hang out. Well that's not the case-evidently he has to work tomorrow too-and then we have another horrible work week to look forward too. I work 9-5 and he is gone by the time I get up in the morning, & practically in bed when I get home. I get home usually around 7-8pm as I work out after work. So as you can see, being a newlywed kind of sucks right now. I can't really discuss this with him because he ALWAYS has so much going on that I even fall on the backburner to him. I know I should be understanding but after a while I just want him to just shut off the damn phone & concentrate on me for a change. Is that too much to ask? I would love to go on a vacation for our one year anniversary so that we could get away & spend some time together but I don't know how to accomplish this. Who knows if he can get the time off work & even then he is just going to stress the whole time about what he is coming back too. I would love to take a cruise like we did for our wedding & honeymoon but it's just so expensive that I don't know if we could come up w/ the money. It was so wonderful sleeping in, and especially NOT USING THE CELLPHONE. Sorry for the venting-I just needed to let it all out. The week has been good for me. I won the 4 week loser award @ T.O.P.S. along with another girl & was finally able to take home the trophy for biggest loser of the week. I was actually the 2nd biggest loser as the girl that won the biggest loser will be out of town for a few weeks and couldn't take it. But that's ok-I still have it FINALLY. I lost 3 pounds this week. That's a little more than 10pounds this month. I am going to keep doing what I'm doing & hope it pays off some more. I am really enjoying the change to my work-out routine. Well I hope everyone is having a good weekend. If there are any fellow newlyweds out there that are going through what I am, please let me know how you are handling this.....

(NOTE from Lara added 3/30/08 6:00pm)

I just want everyone to know that he is noticing my weight loss-that has never been the problem. The problem is the complete lack of quality time that I get to spend w/him. Here it is 6pm and he is still not home yet. I haven''t spent more than 2 hours with him in the past 3 days. That's the upsetting part. Lisa, it's not about the trip-Hell he is working next weekend anyway. You know what I mean. I feel like I am stuck w/ him @ UPS all over again. I don't want all of you thinking that he isn't supporting my weight loss efforts. It's just so much more than that....

Lisa's Blog - T.O.P.S.

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 21:40:55 GMT

So Lara won the trophy!!!! I can't believe she hasn't shouted it from the roof top yet! Well I will! GREAT JOB!!!!!! You earned it, thats for sure. Unfortunatly neither one of us are eligible next week or the following. We will be in Ocean city! I think thats so cool that our weight loss group is having a meeting in one of Lara's most favorite places!

I did not win, nor was I in the running for the trophy. I gained 1.75 pounds. I'm so ok with that! My meals have been planned but not with much thought, my schedule has been turned upside down as well. So I'm not concerned or upset! First time you've heard that right?! This week is planned and I already know I work an extra day, so my food is including that change as well. I did not make it to the gym yesterday though. I ate bad meat and have suffered big consequences for it. So I wanted to go, but I was so dehydrated and dizzy I just made the choice to take a long walk instead. Today I am so busy that I have decided to work out in the basement while doing laundry. I have so much piled up, I may be forced to work out all night!! Also tomorrow @ 7 in the morning I have a personal training session. I really want to get in bed early so I am plenty rested for that torture! Hope everyone is getting ready for a fabulous weekend!!!

Lara's Blog: I need a new goal outfit because I AM WEARING MINE TODAY!

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 15:36:24 GMT

Holy Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I decided to put my goal outfit on this morning to see how it fit. It was kind of a crazy idea since I still have my period and I am oh so bloated. But guess what, it fit. It's not as loose as I would usually wear (I prefer it hanging off me lol) but it FITS. It's a size 16 pants & a 1x shirt (see pic below). I am unbelievably happy. When I bought it, I hadn't even tried it on. I guess maybe I should have gone for an even smaller size but a 16 already seemed so unobtainable. I wonder how it's going to look when my period is over-when I don't look like a giant balloon lol. Since I have the T.O.P.S. weigh in tonight and I am up for the award (4 week loser) I decided that today was the perfect day to wear my goal outfit to work. Even if the weigh in isn't good-I at least have the satisfaction of knowing that I wore my outfit all day today. It's also time for a shout-out. This is going to Lisa because she TOTALLY DESERVES IT! She has worked more hours this week than she ever has before and yet she managed to get to the gym in the middle of 13+ hour days. The old Lisa would probably grab some fast food and relax in the back of the store if she even took a break at all. The new and improved Lisa asked her boss for a LONGER break so that she could run to the gym & get a quickie work-out in. Lisa, you may not lose the weight you want this week, but I just want you to know that I am so so so proud of you. If there was a trophy for that kind of hard work you would def. win it. Keep your head up & know that when you weigh in tonight, despite what it says (and I am SURE that it will be good) you are a LOSER in my eyes. We have both come so far, and we still have so much more to discover about ourselves. I am glad that we are in this together-there is no-one else I would rather (compete lol) with.

Lisa's Blog- Pat Pat!

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 02:30:42 GMT

So in three days I have worked over 30 hours! And I still have two days ahead of me before the week is out! Ten hours one day thirteen the next nine today. I NEVER USED THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO NOT GO TO THE GYM!!!!! I am so proud of me. I was allowed longer breaks so I could head to the gym for a quick hour work out. If I don't lose one pound this week, the pride I feel for those moments will take the pain away! I have ate pretty good, and worked out each day. I rock! We are having a party at T.O.P.S tomorrow. I had to come home and make food for it. I hope everyone loves cold pizza the way I do. It's a Biggest Loser recipe, that I prefer to eat cold. I think it tastes better! So I am off to bed now. Another long day tomorrow for me. Work, work out and then scary weigh in at T.O.P.S. Pat on my back

Lara's Blog: Who is that girl & what has she done w/ Lara?

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 19:12:28 GMT

Ok...I really haven't lost much weight since this challenge started but I have noticed some major changes in myself. I NEVER used to wear clothing that revealed the shape of my body. It used to be a pair of black pants & a v-necked shirt everyday. Now, for the past few weeks I have discovered my inner diva. I have been sporting alot of dresses & tunics & I have to say that I am starting to like the way I look in them ( I have some child-bearing hips lol). Another thing that is different is that I almost bought a pair of shorts (I totally would have gotten them had they been a size smaller). Everyone that knows me, knows that I don't wear shorts under any circumstances even in 90+ degree weather. I am & have always been subconscious about my legs & in the past I would rather be hot & sweaty then show off my legs. The fact that I actually tried on the shorts is a welcome change. I actually strutted my stuff in the dressing room & did a little dance to the shorts god for letting them look good on me. In the end I didn't buy them because I knew that by the time the summer hit they would hang off me. I am excited to see what cute clothes I can actually wear this summer. The other thing that I have noticed lately is how much confidence I have when it comes to working out (you need it to do pole/chair dancing). Currently I belong to a women's only gym so there really isn't any fear associated there. The problem is that it is so safe for me now. In the past, I would always limit myself to the tiny women's only section at my old gyms & the aqua classes (which always seemed easier when your bigger). I would never even consider taking a land cardio class when I knew that guys would be around. It was partly my fear at mastering a difficult cardio class but even more so was the idea that guys were watching. No-one wants to be the fat girl that is the butt of all the jokes. And so many of these gyms still have the black tile, muscle bound sections that are oh so intimidating. Well yesterday I went to a local gym (a co-ed one) and took a challenging bodyjam cardio hip hop class. Guys were all over the place & for the very first time I wasn't scared (it was rather nice if you know what I mean-sorry Tom lol). And this gym will get me over my black tile section fear rather quickly-the whole place is done in black tile. I did it & lived to tell the tale. Now I can finally add a coed cardio class to my list of accomplishments. Everyday I see more and more of the new & improved Lara coming out. My husband looks at me and says "where is the girl I married"? I just grin in response & do a little sexy shimmy for him. Bring it on I say, Bring it on.....