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May 08 Ok so here it is, all layed out, and mind you this is just to make myslf feel better, I just want to say that this IS a diet, not a lifestyle chage, and it sucks. I constanly have to think and plan and thats not a lifestyle. I think, what am I going to eat, when, where to exercise, how long, what type. And then something comes up and I am not suited to handle a swap in my schedule, freak out becaue I have to eat at a resturant and I don't know what to eat, oh wait, get a salad, no thats the worse thing on the menu to get. I have stopped eating at fast food because we know all their "healthy food" isn't. Even though I worked out double on monday and have done things to be active on tuesday and wednesday I gain weight anyway and why? Because I ate out. No other reason, so then I start my freaking out again and I don't know why I'm not thin, I worry things to death. I am nervous constanly and food scares me to death. I am at the point where if I could live off water I would. So far the water I drink hasn't given me any anxiety! I hate this. I am never going to feel like it's ok, like food isn't my enemy. I haven't found that happy place where food and I skip off into the sunset holding hands. I just need a fresh start. Start this over with a new outlook and knowledge and plans, need to have better eating facts handy and I need to stop feeling like if I look at food I'm going to lose this war. I had hoped this winter I would start feeling like i had accomplished something. Right now I don't have the accomplished feeling yet. People say ishould but that doesn't help! I know the point that I will feel proud. It's in the horizon and I can see it, just today and the last couple weeks I have felt like it's further off than I had thought. May 05 Today has been the most horrible day in a long time. I am starting my new job on Wed and I went by my old office (with a friend) to pick up my stuff. That was a mistake. I walked in and gave my old boss the key and then started walking to my office. He blocked the door and said I couldn't come inside. He looked and me and said rather meanly, "Your stuff is up front, you can't come in here." I said that I wanted to make sure that he packed everything as I had stuff all over the place. I specifically mentioned my insurance license. That was one thing that of course he forgot. He gave it to me and my friend and I went outside to look through the box ( a wet box too-all my pics were soggy) and make sure stuff was there. I had made a list of the stuff that I remembered was in my office ahead of time so I was checking it off as I went through the box. Half the stuff was missing. I checkmarked the stuff that was missing and my friend took it and went inside to collect it. My former boss yelled at her and said she had no business being there and told her he would MAIL my stuff back to me. She came out and said that he was screaming at her. That's it. I took the list and walked into him and said that I need my stuff and he was legally supposed to give it to me. He looked at me and said that I would get my stuff when he felt like mailing it and told me I was tresspassing and to leave before he called the cops. After 2 1/2 years of working my ass of for this man, he treats me like that. I didn't deserve to be fired. I have NEVER done anything to hurt him or his business. If anything I have put up with so much shit it's ridiculous. I almost went to the cops myself, and asked them to escort me back to the office so that I can get my stuff. But of course I wussed out. But I swear to God, if I don't get my stuff back next week, I will go the cops myself. I expected that it was going to be hard to go back into that office, but I never expected to be treated like such shit. The only thing I can say about this is I hope Karma is a bitch in this case..... May 03 I have only been back to work now for 2 weeks as a part-time employee. Supposedly everyone at work tried to help me while I was gone but it didn't seem like much actually got accomplished. I came back to a desk filled with work that I had been working on at the beginning of last month. I tried to organize everything in piles and put things on a to do list but it just wasn't helping. Every-time I turned around there was more and more work to do. Maybe I should have tried to ask for help, but I am sure it would have made much of a difference. I had piles and piles of fiing, commercial policies stacked mile high, and cancellation notices to tend to. Then there was the phone and millions of insurance certificates. I spent 20 minutes on one customers certificate last Thursday because it was so complex and required all these additional forms to be filled out. It usually only takes a minute or so for a general certificate. At that rate, it would have taken me a month to get caught up assuming that I don't get any more work. My husband came in on Thursday and asked how I was doing. I wasn't doing good. I was ready to cry as I was so overwhelmed and having a hard time getting anything done. I told him how I felt, I was feeling like I could never dig myself out of the hole that I called my desk. But I of course didn't say anything to my co-workers. I wasn't about to complain to THEM. I don't think that they would have understood as they always had a "if it can wait till tomorrow, it will attitude". Now I am guessing that someone heard my conversation w/ my husband and went to my boss. Later that night, I got a call from my boss telling me I was fired. He said that they felt that they had gone above and beyond by dealing with my work while I was at the hospital (that is such bull-if that was the case I never would have gotten emails and calls once I got back from customers telling me never to leave as no-one knew how to do my work.) and since I have been back I have already gotten upset at my work-load. What did they expect-that it would be an easy tranisition? I was trying to get MY work done, and they kept piling more and more of THEIR work on my desk. I couldn't say anything. After 2 1/2 years of working my ass off for that place, they fire me over the phone and tell me to MAIL back my office key. The most f*ck*ed up thing about this is that I wanted to leave 6 months ago for another |
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